New Incident and recovery of the old

I just received another bad news yesterday. One of my pet sis' friend's daughter is diagnosed with backbone tumor. She is just 11 years old. Her name is Yap Xiao Qi and she needly RM60k badly to go for the chemo injection in one of the KL's hospital. I do not know how much had they collected but I do hope you all my faithful readers will help. Help by praying and by donation. Any amount will do. Thanks. For those of you who received my SMS yesterday, whatever I wrote there is true. It is not spam messages. I do not spam. So in case you thought it was a spam and deleted the message, here it is again. Thanks. =)
As for my dad, thanks to you all, my dad had recovered a lot. According to my mom, doctor is currently giving him medicine to ease the pain. And his operation day is still 13th March 2008. So please continuosly pray for his recovery. From there may he come to know our beloved Lord Jesus Christ as his Saviour. I do not know how he shall think in future when he is healed but do pray that he shall and will open his heart to know our Lord Jesus Christ. May this incident be the hitting point to him to realise that his life is not about eating and sleeping but rather more than that. =) By the way, thanks for praying. God bless you all for the prayers.
Anyway will update you if there is anything more to update. If possible please donate to this poor little girl. I do not know whether the girl or the family is believer or not but if not may this incident be a hitting point for the family to trust in Him as well. For your information, my pet sis' Methodist church member is currently there to pray and help them. So I do hope that the girl and the family are starting to convicted to know our Lord Jesus Christ if they are not believer. God bless.. =)

What the hell am I here for?

My mom just called this evening. Well I was told to go back to Ipoh starting from election day until a week later. Reason is because my dad is going for operation on 13th March. My mom met a Christian lady who told her to ask everybody in the family to meet up together to pray and encourage my dad during the operation season. It is by faith that he shall be alright. So the lady told her to actually keep on praying and keep on trusting God. For one thing, until now as I had mentioned quite a number of time, I do not know what to do. I am seriously blur over such situation. When you meet me do not think that I am alright although I look alright. My look is just like that, created by God but deep down inside me I am in deep shit. =(
Just after dinner with Mun Yee. Well for one thing, she is going back to Australia in few days time. I am really really really gonna miss that girl. She is still so dear to me. But what to do. Do not know whether I am going to sent her off or not? Just hope she will be alright. Do not know whether I have the chance to send her off to KLIA or not? Anyway don't know when can I see you again? Just wish you all the best la. I am seriously sad a lot of things has happened between me and you. Just hope that you will always remember me though, ok?
Well just wanna thank everybody who had prayed for me. I know I had not been a good friend to a lot of you. Too many unwanted things had happened to me until a lot of ppl have arguments with me. Have a lot of misunderstanding with me. I do not wish this will happen but it happnend. I am truly and very sorry if any of the things I had said and done hurt you all. I do not mean it. You can see how vulnerable am I right now? I hope that I could be saved. Saved by God. But I guess it is not easy cause I had been waiting for God to delivered me for the past 10 years and yet I am still thinking that I am still the same. Nothing much changed though. But whatever lah. Enough said. I just want to be quiet and hide among all my friends. One thing is for sure. I cannot forgive myself for all that happened. Yeah.. That is what I plan to say all these while. I cannot forgive myself for the things for the past few months since last year. In fact for the past 10 years. I just kept quiet or shall I say, hide it among all my other minor problems. For now it is either I am correct or others are correct. But since I had quieten myself up so much, I guess others are correct. Not me.
Ppl always ask this question. Why is it that I always quarrelled with other ppl? They guess it was because most of the time I do not listen and always thought that I am right. But I guess I am not right. In fact, most of the time, I am in the wrong and I do not like to admit it. Guess what happened now proves me right. I am at wrong all the time. Almost all the time. That is why now I am quiet most of the time. I learnt this lesson. If you have nothing good to say, then please don't say anything. I guess whoever said it to me last time was all the time correct. Why in the world I did not listen to them last time? Well now I regretted whatever I do. Regretted until I wanna give up anything. Nothing is anymore important. Life sucks.
Whatever lah. I need prayer.. I need encouragement......

Vantage Point

Went to watch Vantage Point yesterday. Well the movie was quite interesting and I loved terrorism movie a lot. Not to say that I love to watch all the action-packed movie a lot but I guess terrorism movie constantly remind me how vulnerable our world are and how politically chaos the world leader are. Anyway the movie was quite interesting to watch, especially the part where they suspects who were the terrorists or should I say the bad guys.
For one thing, the American prided themselves for the very fact that they are the international police, that were appointed to take care and make sure the world is a peaceful place. This includes Vantage Point as well. But one thing I found out, in the movie quite surprisingly shocking is that this movie as much as it is American terrorist movie, the hero in this movie is no other than the little Anna, the Spanish little girl who is searching for her mummy. What I mean by that? Well the Americans tries to save the President but they could not because they do not know where in the world is the President especially Agent Thomas Barnes. But because the ambulance driven by the terrorist saw Anna on the road they tried to avoid hitting her. As the matter of fact, Anna do not know what to do but crying for her mummy. By saying that our little hero for this movie is Anna. She saved the President's life and Forest Whitaker, an American saved hers.
Anyway it was quite an interesting movie though. I actually wondered whether the real life president of the United States actually uses double body to actually protect him from being shot?
Anyway back to real life. My boss told me that I am staying back in PJ instead of transfering to Kampar for time being. The reason was because there are vacancy over there for me at the moment. So he said the latest time for me to transfer would be either end of this year or next year whenever there is finance staff in need there. I was told that one staff is sufficient for me in Kampar. Well see lah.. Hope to transfer as soon as possible. =)
Well gtg oredi.. Time for lunch is up. God bless...

Dad and Mom and I

Doctor told my mom two days ago that my dad is going for an operation to get rid of the tumor. The chances of recovery is 70%. Well I am very grateful when I heard the news. It seems to me the reason why the doctor believe in the 70% chances of recovery is because my dad is a healthy dad. Well for one thing he does not look a lot more like a weakling. Its hard to find his wrinkle, the sign of aging. I mean got a lil bit here and there but he looks younger for his 72 years of age. Something like Dr. Mahathir. One thing which differs my dad to him is he uses medicine to look young but my dad is naturally young. I mean body wise and look wise and even health wise. =)
Anyway according to my mom, my dad just stay in the hospital, watching tv, sleep and then go back to watch sleep and watching tv again. That is his routine activities. What I am worried bout now is my mom as well. She had spent the last 14 days of her life taking care of my dad. Sleeping in the couch while my dad comfortably sleeping on the bed provided by the hospital. I guess my mom's sacrifice here is very strong. She had been sacrificing her whole life to 4 man. My grandpa, my dad, me and my younger brother. In fact I guess not just 4 of us, the sacrifice involves more men. That includes most of my uncles. I mean taking care of them when they were younger. That's why my uncle & aunty had been calling me to ask bout her welfare. I mean how's my dad's condition. In fact my cousin brother who is currently working in Singapore as a doctor is trying to help my mom and dad by enquiring bout my dad's health. I guess it is a hard job altogether for the whole family to be there for my mom and dad.
It seems to me that somehow or rather the Lim's family (my mom's family) is in the sense are getting more and more concerned over the family ever since my dad was hospitalised. Whether they called or not called just to say hi and asking bout my dad's condition, the family, it seems to be getting into stronger family ties. My KL uncle, for instance, keep on calling me and the same goes to my Johor aunty to ask bout my dad's welfare. In fact at times my brother would call me or MSN or even SMS me to update me. Being the eldest in the family, I find myself lost in the air. I mean I do not know what to do. One thing is for sure. I am clueless over how to be there for my dad since my mom and dad told me not to come back. Rather they want me to stay at home here in PJ. For as rebellious as I am, I always listenend to them. This order that they gave me to stay back in PJ I faithfully obey. I know it is not good thing but I don't know lah. I do not like the idea of me rebelling against my parent. See how lah.. If possible I would go back next week.
I had a thought in my mind to actually wanting to transfer to Kampar earlier so that I could take this opportunity to be there for them, to take care of them since they are both getting old oredi. I mean I do not know whether I should go and request the transfer earlier from my boss. After all the PJ branch finance department is having not enough staff and if I go back there to work, would my boss allow or not? I do not know. The earliest I might be going is probably in between April to June, if the request approved by my boss. I guess it is hard being the eldest in the family because as the eldest I bear the heavy responsibilities such as taking care of my parent, doing well in studies (non of my family have any degree certificate - That's why I am taking this risk of sitting for CIMA), be strong in the Lord (only me and my mom are Christians in the family of Ou) and perhaps to be the first to get married and have kids (giving them chances to be grandparent). My parent do not pressure me at all, but I guess it is not whether your parent pressure you or not but rather I want to do the best to bring this Ou family into glory. When I mean this Ou family, I mean my parent, me and my younger brother. Guess my family had been living in condemnation for as long as I live perhaps even before that. And I guess what I want to give my parent in return of them taking care of me is glorified family name. The Ou's as of Ou Mun Thai (my dad), Lim Suen Wah (my mom), Ou Lik Ee (that's me) and Ou Lik Sin (my younger brother).
Therefore by saying that, I hope that whatever things I do for the family shall bring this family a lil bit of glory and the rest of it God's glory. I mean getting good career, good family, good family name, good education and even the main thing of all, good spiritual background with God's name being glorified. Actually I do not know why from my dad's healing I blogged until myself. But what come main, I just hope my dad would be fully recovered. And that for once, shall be God's first glory to my dad as he being prepared by God to accept Him (Jesus) as Christ Saviour, Amen? =)
Anyway guess that's all I am going to blog for now. Please pray for my dad and all of you who had prayed for my dad, I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for praying. May God bless you for praying for my dad. Thanks.. God bless.. =)

Dad

My father just diagonised with brain tumor. That was what my mom told me yesterday. I was quite shocked to hear bout it especially now when he is approaching his 72nd birthday in November this year. My father was sent to General Hospital Ipoh on 5th day of Chinese New Year, which was on 11th February 2008. I was not aware bout it until two days later. During that time when I received the news, my heart was pumping very fast. I knew when an old man like him entered hospital, it means troubles and suffering. My brother and my mom was quite fine with him entering hospital, thinking that "hey.. it's just a normal check up."
The doctor was not sure why in the world would an old man by the age of 72 get a stroke, and he is perfectly healthy. My father, for one thing, he do not smoke, drink, low blood pressure and he had low cholorestrol. But one bad habit he does have is he loves sleeping. He can sleep practically everywhere and at anytime and at any level of noise making.
Seriously I do not know how to react to his condition. Told my mom that I want to go back to see him but she reject me. I don't know what to do. For once in my whole life, I am really break down. I want my dad to be healed and I lose my faith in praying for him oredi. I mean since my life is a total messed up I had not been able to breath the way I want to breath. I felt that I am nowhere believing in Him. In my whole life, I do not pray and ask God for an ambitious ambition. I just want to live a simple and good life. But guess what? I failed. And now my dad is having a tumor. How bad can it be?
You know one thing? I always believe in this. The Bible says: "Honor your parent and you shall live a long and lasting life." Well my dad does just that although he is a non-believer. I do believe as long as he is following God's way although he is a non-believer, God will still bless him. But now, he get tumor. And I do hope that he will live till at least 100 years old. Being someone who love and care for his father in law, he does a lot. Although he does not really care for us, the children and the wife but more focus on his siblings, I still love him. For one thing, he is my only earthly father. Why on earth would something like this tumor would happened to him? I just wish for miracle. I had longed for a miracle in my life especially on my body. I do receievd miracle from God but what I envy on other ppl is that others prayed for miracles they got it big. Why not me? I do not mean to be selfish but I guess my father do not deserve this tumor. And seriously saying, once upon a time ago, one of my kai mui, Mun Yi ask this question to me before. Why did tsunami happened to the Penangite? I mean they do not deserve to die. Seriously saying, last time I can give her the Bible and the pastor's answer but now I do not have the answer to comfort ppl anymore. I guess all my answer would not be applicable anymore seeing that I am now facing what they are asking and were facing before.
Because of my dad, I argued with a friend in the sense lah yesterday. I seriously don't know what to do. I guess no one understands how I feel and most of them would tell me that it's alright. I guess it's not alright. In fact I guess I had disturbed them a lot that I think I shan't disturb them anymore. After all it is my life. They will get irritated when I keep on bugging them. That was what happened yesterday. I am too depressed and they just say bye bye. =( Whatever lah
Too much of sad story here. Don't wanna blog anymore.. May God really bless this family of mine lah.

The Lover?

Yesterday went out to movie with Jeffrey. Met quite a few funny incident. We went to watch the new movie shown preview yesterday which is called "Before the devil knows you are dead". It is not an horror movie. It is basically a stupid thriller movie. Too much censorship till we cannot understand most of the movie.
Anyway here's the funny part of the outing yesterday. Me and Jeffrey went to buy popcorn and drink at the food counter. I wanted the drink and he wanted the popcorn but actually he wanted me to share with him both the drink and the popcorn equally. Well I do not mind bout it since he wants to save up some money. And guess what? The combo drink and popcorn we ordered was lover combo. I was like, "what the heck?" Lover's combo? As we approaches the cinema hall provided which was The Picturehouse hall, we get a lover's seat. You know those kind of seat where there is no divider or barrier and it was like a sofa seat. And guess what again? We were entertained with love song before the movie starts to allow the cinema goer to enter into the hall. And lastly guess what was the first scene shown? Love scene. Well of course the Malaysian censorboardship had censored it badly. Until now I am still wondering what's all this bout lover thingy? Freak.
Anyway today came in a new tenant. I mean potential tenant cause he had not moved in yet. For one thing he is interested in Humphrey's room but since he still need to think bout it, he is still our potential tenant. Well he is an African from Nigeria by the name of Paschal, a Master in IT student in KDU. Well look quite ok though. I mean to be tenant. Good for Jean, the person in charge of the house. At least she got less burden to carry with lesser room to be left empty. Well just cross finger and hope for the best for this guy called Paschal. =)
Anyway still waiting for my computer to be fixed. My brother's friend promised to come and fix it after CNY but tomorrow is the last day of CNY. Wonder how soon can he come cause I need to online badly. I've just pay RM500 for online tutor for my CIMA and I want to make full use of it. Haih~!~
Anyway time to go to sleep oredi since it's a little bit late oredi. Nite nite.. God bless.. =)

I could not sleep....

It has been a bloody nite. That has been what the game mafia's host called if a normal person had been killed by a mafia. Well as for me this has been a bloody year for me. At least for the beginning of the year until now. I realised that I had grown much negatively this year compared to last year. I mean I had changed a lot but I guess I had not much changed. This is honest truth from me. I am very much confused bout what my life gonna be. What I will get at the end of the day. How I would be someone who can be used by God. How I would be God's living testimonies.
Well for one thing through this whole year (although it is just 2nd month of the year now and this are few, less than 5 fingers counted blog that I had actually written) , I am scared of facing challenges. I know I had been blogging the same things from last month till now. I know I had been a long-winded person who would blog bout his weaknesses more than his strong point of view. Well I also know that nothing good had been coming out of my life in this blog but I guess this is the place where ppl would actually get to know me deeper, of how I think, how I felt and how I understand things and putting faith in God. I mean how much deeper faith in God. I guess even if I am facing problems, I guess I am not going to share it out as much as I used to be rather than here. I felt that not many ppl would actually bother to listen to my problems. I know perhaps ppl would think that I am just looking for attention. Well perhaps yes and perhaps no. You judge. One thing is for sure. Life has not been good as it was last time. And I guess by saying so much not many ppl would listen. For one thing la, I am starting to show sign of weaknesses. A sign for some who would believe that it is good and for some it would mean bad. For me, I guess it is a sign of both good and bad. Good because I know I am in the right spot with the Lord which leads to the right path. Bad because as a guy who had a strong ego like me, it is hard and ashamed thing to admit that I am wrong. But what to do. Actually I am right. What to do? Seriously I do not know what to do. All I know is that I hate going through rough journey. A short term rough journey would be good but not a long term. And for me, it is truly embarrasing to admit it now when I approaches 30 in few years time. If I were to be mid or early twenties, then it does not matter at all. But when I nearly arrived 30, it is hard. I mean it is not the age issue here but rather it is my stronger ego issue here. But what the heck. God is in control. So I actually wondered what is going to be happen though? Tired to think. In fact I guess I think too much. Way too much...
Anyway lotsa crap blogging nowadays. For those of you who love to read crap blogs, do read more in future. For those of you who think this is a real crap, just forget bout it and read no more. I meant this blog for myself to complain, to nag at myself, to scold myself, to stab myself to realise things. Wonder does it work on me or not? In fact my main reason why I am blogging it now is because I could not sleep. I am staying overnight at a friend's house. I got a problem with myself now. I could not sleep in other ppl's house that well. I guess it is a habit though. Habit which is hard to change. That is why my blog also considered as a habit. Writing things I myself also could not understand. In fact it is long winded as well.. But what the heck.. I am writing myself to sleep. And I guess I am falling sleepy now. Blog to sleep. Get real.. =)
Anyway going to sleep now. Hope no one would come to me and stone me face to face for writing craps. God bless.. =)

What more can I say?

Life has been pretty hectic nowadays. Things has not been doing pretty well nowadays although there are some progression going on. I used to think I know my motive in life and all the things I do pretty well.. But I guess I am wrong. I no longer understand myself that much anymore. Life has not been as comfortable as last time but I guess life has been upgraded in a way or another.
I had been living in a life where I used to called "growing in humbleness" for the past ten years which I thought I was doing alright. But I guess I am wrong. I had not been seeing any changes in humbleness until lately. I mean it took me 10 years plus to actually realised that growing in humbleness is not allowing myself to think that I am alright and doing fine. But rather allow God to complement me and to lift me up. I don't know. Somehow or rather God is doing something in my life. I am always scared to commit my life to God due to because all my life, whenever I make a decision to follow God, I will ended up in square one. I always myself for all the decision I make and it makes me always wonder whether things are going according to plan? I do not know. But I also do not know why but nowadays I seldom lose patient and tend to become the loser whenever I am into arguments. Most of the time quarrel, I am the one to stand in front of that person to actually ask for forgiveness.. It is so not me. I mean me coming to ppl and apologise. What the heck? It had been like that for the past don't know how many months oredi.
Seriously now in this current life, I am learning to give up everything to God. I wondered how whenever I prayed to Him and ask Him to change me, I do not get the change that I wanted. But rather my change is always out of my own comfort zone. The change that He wants. Haih~~ I do not have anything to say. In fact if I ever get something to say, I felt that I should keep quiet. But nonetheless, life goes on. Oh my goodness.. I am blogging this up. Seriously I am screwed up. Screwed up that God wants to change me. Wonder what more can I say? And seriously what I can say is this. NO COMMENT.
Well Lord just do what You do for me la. I will learn to let go and keep my mouth shut and let You deal with me. I do not like these kind of situation but since the situation is so tensed till like this, what more can I say? That is what I shall say here? What more can I say? Anyway may all things turned up well then.. God bless.. =)

A slowly changing life..

Yesterday I nearly lost my whole arm. Well so to say lah. I was sleeping with my whole body facing the bed and my back facing the ceiling. I guess it was not the best sleeping pose but I guess it had been my sleeping pose ever since I was in primary school or was it secondary school? Anyway my hand was underneath my pillow and there are times when my fingers were at the edge of the mattress and thus my blood cannot flow properly. You may ask why I sleep like that? For those who are close to them, they will know. In fact I guess quite a few ppl knows the reason. You know who you are.
Anyway when I woke up yesterday morning, I was a bit paranoid the very fact that my whole arms could not work anymore. The blood was not flowing well. In fact when I let my hand down the blood flow back to normal instantly. Thank God. I thought I am going to lose my whole right arm oredi. Wonder how would I going to survive without my right arm. I mean I need it to write, to drive, to eat, to type and etc etc.. But now it's okay oredi. Good for me and thank God. =)
Anyway it has been exactly a month ever since my last blog. Wanted to blog something here but due to some technical problem over the computer I was using, the blog did not appeared. Anyway now I am the chief tenant for the house that I am staying in ever since Humphrey left 2 to 3 weeks ago. I just paid all the 1st utility bills and today I might be giving the rental fees to the owner as my 1st responsibilities towards the owner of the house. Well it has been a fast moving life this year. With just a blink of eye, I am now in the 2nd month of the year 2008. I always wondered what had I been doing for the past months and years. Ppl come ppl go. Li Yan just left us to Swiss and some of my colleagues are resigning from their job. Some ppl had reappear into my life. Raymond Yap, the ex- KDU CF member whom I met in CF reappear into my life few days back. Actually he had been calling me out for the past two months oredi. But due to some unforgiveness towards him in the past, I cannot really talk to him and few days back, he called and I finally called my grudge off towards him and accept him back as a friend. Well less one burden and one hurt now. Good to know that. =)
Anyway in just a blink of days, we would be celebrating Chinese New Year. And I just received my 2nd revised salary from my promotion in the company. Well life has its ups and downs. But not that stress anymore. Had been calling one of my colleague "mom". She is in her mid 30's. Just feel like calling her "mom" cause she is a mom. But of course not my mom lah. Anyway she had been teaching me lotsa things bout life too. Guess it was not something that my mom had taught me. Not to say my mom did not taught me anything but just that when you have all men in the family and the only woman in the family is your mom, somehow or rather your mom would also be macho. So in that sense she does not really teach me much bout how to understand girls. Anyway glad to have her as my so-called "mom". Hope she can teach me more things bout girls.
Guess that's all though. Nothing much to blog. Just hope for the best. God bless..