What more can I say?

Life has been pretty hectic nowadays. Things has not been doing pretty well nowadays although there are some progression going on. I used to think I know my motive in life and all the things I do pretty well.. But I guess I am wrong. I no longer understand myself that much anymore. Life has not been as comfortable as last time but I guess life has been upgraded in a way or another.
I had been living in a life where I used to called "growing in humbleness" for the past ten years which I thought I was doing alright. But I guess I am wrong. I had not been seeing any changes in humbleness until lately. I mean it took me 10 years plus to actually realised that growing in humbleness is not allowing myself to think that I am alright and doing fine. But rather allow God to complement me and to lift me up. I don't know. Somehow or rather God is doing something in my life. I am always scared to commit my life to God due to because all my life, whenever I make a decision to follow God, I will ended up in square one. I always myself for all the decision I make and it makes me always wonder whether things are going according to plan? I do not know. But I also do not know why but nowadays I seldom lose patient and tend to become the loser whenever I am into arguments. Most of the time quarrel, I am the one to stand in front of that person to actually ask for forgiveness.. It is so not me. I mean me coming to ppl and apologise. What the heck? It had been like that for the past don't know how many months oredi.
Seriously now in this current life, I am learning to give up everything to God. I wondered how whenever I prayed to Him and ask Him to change me, I do not get the change that I wanted. But rather my change is always out of my own comfort zone. The change that He wants. Haih~~ I do not have anything to say. In fact if I ever get something to say, I felt that I should keep quiet. But nonetheless, life goes on. Oh my goodness.. I am blogging this up. Seriously I am screwed up. Screwed up that God wants to change me. Wonder what more can I say? And seriously what I can say is this. NO COMMENT.
Well Lord just do what You do for me la. I will learn to let go and keep my mouth shut and let You deal with me. I do not like these kind of situation but since the situation is so tensed till like this, what more can I say? That is what I shall say here? What more can I say? Anyway may all things turned up well then.. God bless.. =)