Dad

My father just diagonised with brain tumor. That was what my mom told me yesterday. I was quite shocked to hear bout it especially now when he is approaching his 72nd birthday in November this year. My father was sent to General Hospital Ipoh on 5th day of Chinese New Year, which was on 11th February 2008. I was not aware bout it until two days later. During that time when I received the news, my heart was pumping very fast. I knew when an old man like him entered hospital, it means troubles and suffering. My brother and my mom was quite fine with him entering hospital, thinking that "hey.. it's just a normal check up."
The doctor was not sure why in the world would an old man by the age of 72 get a stroke, and he is perfectly healthy. My father, for one thing, he do not smoke, drink, low blood pressure and he had low cholorestrol. But one bad habit he does have is he loves sleeping. He can sleep practically everywhere and at anytime and at any level of noise making.
Seriously I do not know how to react to his condition. Told my mom that I want to go back to see him but she reject me. I don't know what to do. For once in my whole life, I am really break down. I want my dad to be healed and I lose my faith in praying for him oredi. I mean since my life is a total messed up I had not been able to breath the way I want to breath. I felt that I am nowhere believing in Him. In my whole life, I do not pray and ask God for an ambitious ambition. I just want to live a simple and good life. But guess what? I failed. And now my dad is having a tumor. How bad can it be?
You know one thing? I always believe in this. The Bible says: "Honor your parent and you shall live a long and lasting life." Well my dad does just that although he is a non-believer. I do believe as long as he is following God's way although he is a non-believer, God will still bless him. But now, he get tumor. And I do hope that he will live till at least 100 years old. Being someone who love and care for his father in law, he does a lot. Although he does not really care for us, the children and the wife but more focus on his siblings, I still love him. For one thing, he is my only earthly father. Why on earth would something like this tumor would happened to him? I just wish for miracle. I had longed for a miracle in my life especially on my body. I do receievd miracle from God but what I envy on other ppl is that others prayed for miracles they got it big. Why not me? I do not mean to be selfish but I guess my father do not deserve this tumor. And seriously saying, once upon a time ago, one of my kai mui, Mun Yi ask this question to me before. Why did tsunami happened to the Penangite? I mean they do not deserve to die. Seriously saying, last time I can give her the Bible and the pastor's answer but now I do not have the answer to comfort ppl anymore. I guess all my answer would not be applicable anymore seeing that I am now facing what they are asking and were facing before.
Because of my dad, I argued with a friend in the sense lah yesterday. I seriously don't know what to do. I guess no one understands how I feel and most of them would tell me that it's alright. I guess it's not alright. In fact I guess I had disturbed them a lot that I think I shan't disturb them anymore. After all it is my life. They will get irritated when I keep on bugging them. That was what happened yesterday. I am too depressed and they just say bye bye. =( Whatever lah
Too much of sad story here. Don't wanna blog anymore.. May God really bless this family of mine lah.